Mannerism: A study

A very serious study has been conducted on mannerism. The results were..erm rather amusing.

Aim: To find out the types of mannerisms in the selected specimens and to notify general public of the existence of such rare species!
Specimen: Espresso, KK, Latte, Cappuccino
Time taken: Hmm
Request: Don’t kill poor Latte, gals!!

Espresso

• Her famous jingle: lala lala la...when she wants to say something she simply goes...you know... lalalala... eg: “You can go lala lala la on that content’ - Meaning you can take your time on writing the content. (Heard that there is a recent remix version of it..hmmm..)
• When she is hungry she makes actions of nibbling....always reminds Latte of a rabbit
• Rolling eyes, straight-lipped smile, the biting-finger-nails action, the running action (ha, classic), the ‘boss’y stare (oooh scary!)- and SO MANY indescribable actions! Phew!

KK

• Sometimes bursts out laughing making every head turn
• Likes to do a dance by moving her hands to and fro, sometimes accompanied by appropriate jingles
• Likes to singgggg!! (Refer another post for a detailed description)
• Taps her chin with her fingers when in meditation or when she has just heard/ said something that requires thinking

Cappuccino

• Has the habit of saying “Yikes...Such a shame!!” whenever and wherever she thinks appropriate
• Narrows her eyes and gives a smile when she is in absolute disbelief
• Likes to add a ‘Tishyavu’ (Or something like that) for effect sometimes..like in a Bruce Lee movie..
• Likes to say “I am feeling scared” especially when Latte starts cracking un-laughable (Is that a word??) jokes

Latte

• Nods her head vigorously to let people know that she agrees with them completely and wholly
• Likes to twirl her hair when at the heights of absent-mindedness
• Sometimes tries to look at people with spectacles at the tip of her nose (Ah curse the specs!)
• Yea, Ok, likes to be a cry baby!! eeeeeeeheeeee

Observations: Specimen exceeded all expectations. This is Nobel Prize material, people!

Bang on!

Around 130 employees sat at their desks looking straight into the monitor. The only sound heard was the tik-tik-tik as fingers ran over the keyboards and the click-click-click of the index fingers on the mouse. The usually noisy Creative Department was unusually quiet as KK, Latte and Cappuccino sat thinking-typing-thinking-typing at their seats. Espresso was on leave and so her seat lay empty, the computer switched off.

BANG BANG BANG BANG! THUD THUD THUD THUD! The ‘computerish’ silence was suddenly broken.

Around 100 employees got up from their seats and looked towards the canteen from where the noise seemed to be coming. Yes, we have around 30 employees who seldom look beyond their computer screens, codes or programs. For them, no distraction is a distraction. God bless them! It takes all types….Ok…I am going into unnecessary details.

A few guys ran to the spot where the noise was coming from. We all stood there, watching the drama unfold. Latte looked alarmed. Cappuccino looked anxious. KK wanted to go with the investigating team but Latte and Cappu held her back.

After a few moments, we saw one of the big bosses (lets call him x) striding out of the canteen area with a frazzled look. His hair was slightly disheveled (mm…we couldn’t tell actually, he has close-cropped hair, you see) and his shirt was not completely tucked in. Out came another guy (the one who sets our computers right whenever there is a virus attack or something of the sort) with an equally fatigued look. Now, his hair was really ruffled and his face looked like he had received a blow. X strode off into the biggest boss’s room and the computer mechanic went out off the office. The investigating team was seen coming out with an exhausted look too.

'Fight scene! Fight scene!’ KK squeaked.

'What fight scene?’ asked Latte and Cappuccino

‘The mechanic and X had a fight! Isn’t that obvious? You didn’t see them coming out?’ KK said. She went on, ‘See X has gone in to complain to the boss and the mechanic he went out, right?’

Latte and Cappuccino nodded wildly.

'Now, I know where he has gone.’ ‘I know, I know.’ KK repeated so that Latte and Cappuccino would ask her ‘Where oh where?’ It worked.

‘Where oh where?’ chorused Latte and Cappu.

‘He has gone to write his resignation letter. Just wait and watch.’ KK chanted.

We saw the mechanic guy coming in and yes, he had a neatly folded sheet in his hand!!!!

‘See, see, what did I say?’ KK said triumphantly

Latte and Cappu swallowed hard. A fight (mm…physical) had never broken out in the office. It was surreal. Almost Hindi movie-like.

One of the guys of the investigating team sits next to Latte. He reached his desk. Keeping her eyes glued on to X and the mechanic who walked towards each other, in slow-motion, Latte asked the investigating team member, ‘What was it about?’

X and mechanic were now just a few feet away.

'Oh that..’ he said…

‘Oh what?’ Cappu, Latte and KK asked

X and mechanic were a few inches away now.

‘X got locked inside the bathroom; mechanic was trying to get him out. We helped him open the door.’

KK, Latte and Cappuccino stood there with their mouth slightly open. They must have looked very foolish indeed for the guy who broke (read spoiled) the news to them let out an amused chuckle.

The three of them looked on as X and mechanic came face-to-face; smiled at each other; X put a hand around mechanic’s shoulder in a thankful gesture and they walked towards the canteen.

Latte and Cappuccino sank into their seats and Cappuccino asked, ‘then what was that paper? Sheesh…what fools we are!’

KK narrowed her eyes, kept staring at the duo that walked into the canteen and said, ‘I think I know what the paper is…’

One vexed look from Cappu and Latte, and KK was back on her seat thinking-typing-thinking-typing….

- Cappuccino

Compare Notes

“Hello, we’re planning a get together. Come along. We can relive the good old times”, boomed Mr. Achuthan from the other end.

“Why not? Who else is coming”, asked Dad.

“Oh! The Menons, the Arvindakshans, the Nalinakshans, The Sudhakarans and the Surendrans.”

“And Hemachandran?”

“No. His mother in law is not doing fine.”

“Let me call him up”

Before I go further, this presumed get together was for some retired fellows most of them free with kids married and settled in far off places within India or in some foreign country.

“Hello, Hemachandran? Ah! Why are you not coming over for the get together? You ask your brother in law to manage for a day, no?”

“Eeek! Should one bother?”

“Bother about what?”

“What can we do? A pack of oldies who can’t drink or smoke or eat their fill? Compare notes on how much sugar one has or pressure? Or talk about the pains and aches? Iam not coming!”

Dad broke out laughing. A call to Hemachandran always makes you laugh.

KK's singing mania

KK: Aee mere...humsafar..........(singing)

Cappuccino looks up from her computer

Cappuccino: Did you say something?

KK: No, I was singing..Didn’t you hear?

Cappuccino: Er..No..not really

KK: Aee mere...humsafar..........Ek zaaaaraaaaaaaaaa
Cappuccino smiles weakly. Latte manoeuvres towards the duo.

Latte: What is happening here? Why are you talking like that KK? And that too in Hindi?

KK: [With a look of disbelief on her face] What?? I AM SINGING!

Latte: [Looking alarmed] Really??

KK: Of course!!!! Listen.. [Resumes singing]
Latte and Cappuccino exchange troubled glances. Espresso approaches.

Espresso: Girls, come on, we can have tea

Cappuccino and Latte: YES! [Scramble to their feet and walk fast towards the cafeteria with KK right behind]
Everyone with their cup of tea. Tranquillity. Everyone entranced by the silence.
Suddenly...

KK: Aee mere...humsafar..........Ek zaaaaraaaaaaaaaa...

Latte and Cappuccino: OH NOOOO!!!

Espresso: What the hell!!!!

KK: [Ignores everyone’s looks and continues singing and taps the glass with the ring on her finger, in tune with the song]

Espresso: What happened to you?

KK: [Stops suddenly and looks Espresso up and down] Why? Can’t I sing??

Espresso: No, if it is like this, you can’t!

Cappuccino: If you stop singing, we will buy you anything you like!

KK: [Slightly interested]Really? Like what?

Latte: Hmm..peanuts??

KK: Peanuts??? Couldn't you have offered me something better??

Latte gives her classic sheepish grin.

KK:[Who had a generous mind] Ok, then I will stop singing..And I won’t be cracking any jokes either. Let us see how you survive when I am quiet.. And get me the peanuts...[Mumbling] Hmph can’t even give me a good deal..

Cappuccino:[With a look of relief] Ok, cool!
[KK keeps her promise. After some quiet minutes, everyone gets this feeling that something is not quite right.]

Espresso: Ok KK, stop it! You sing or talk or do whatever you like...

KK: AHA! GREAT! I knew it! This is the deal I am talking about

Cappuccino: [To Latte] I will put on my ear plugs

Latte: And I will assume that somebody is talking to herself

KK: Aee mere...humsafar..........Ek zaaaaraaaaaaaaaa...
[Espresso shakes her head and gulps down the tea]

-Latte

Humour strikes a chord with joblessness and absolute boredom

We’re trying hard to laugh. Well, most of the time. We think if we’re not funny, or if we don’t understand if someone else is funny, we’re not part of the “team”.

We strike animated conversations (exaggerated expressions and hand gestures) assuming that we’re visible only to the equally mad teammates and invisible to the rest of the office.

We fish for comments (read compliments), both offline and online. Offline, by trumpeting our day’s achievements…errr…tasks (which goes like – “my maid’s away and I had to get up early to prepare breakfast and lunch for my daughter” – and I pray they don’t ask “what did you make” – but they do – and I had to cough up the truth with a sheepish grin – “cheese sandwich for breakfast, cheese & shredded chicken sandwich for lunch” – and shredded chicken was the leftover-reheated version of my maid’s chicken dish, btw!). Online, by literally taking out a begging bowl and loafing from one blog to another, leaving traces of our footprints, so that they trace it back to ours and leave a nice comment, whether they like it or not.

Coming back to the topic of humour and how it connects with joblessness and boredom…The recession did it, I tell you. We were neck deep in work until then. We took the fourth person on board, because we couldn’t handle the endless jobs that came in with deadlines like “yesterday”. And then, recession came in. After which, new work hardly came in.

The joblessness is driving us up the wall. We’re sinking deep into boredom. Most often, we go searching for matchsticks to keep our eyes open, especially after lunch time. Now we’re waiting for the teeny-weeny morsels (any job – even if it’s just editing content) to be thrown our way, like wet-behind-the-ears puppies, eager to lap up anything that comes our way.

We throw in the humour just to keep our spirits up. We laugh at pretty much anything, even if remotely funny. I make funny faces & funny sounds (they join in) and narrate incidents at home – which primarily revolve around my 2 children (presuming that “they” are enjoying every minute of it). The 2 big time dreamers of the team narrate weird dreams and nightmares with each or any of us playing the weirdest part in it and I naively ask “how do you remember your dream so distinctly, when try as much as I do, fail to bring even 1 dream successfully to the table?”. She sings, nay croons, nay raps …jeez, I give up…she thinks she sings and expects a standing ovation. We keep the spirit up. We play our part. We give her a standing ovation. We laugh. We disperse. But we’re back after the short break. To continue our long, jobless, boring day with our self-amusing jokes, dreams, stories, songs…and other such nonsense.

-Espresso

A note to the boss: We’re not really jobless. Please do not throw us out of our jobs. We’re actually researching websites to improve our writing skills (like hell!).

To the girls: I was just trying to be funny!

To others: I’ve hyped up the ‘joblessness’ and ‘boredom’ bit - a bit, to make it sound a bit exciting. We’re not really that jobless, maybe just a bit.

Rolling pins

It’s a small world. Everything and everyone is related to one another in ways more than one. Let’s just take the case of the rolling pin. Used universally in kitchens, this unassuming invention has found many uses.

• For making Rotis, pancakes, etc: Very useful info, isn’t it?
  
  
• As a Perfect stopper to drain cooked rice when used with a small cup.
  
  
• For Getting your way:At home, you can always use this gadget to get your way. Just threaten to send as missile to anyone who has a different idea.
  
  
• For the Keralite:One can always use it to push the steamed puttu out.( a delicacy steam cooked in longish container)
  
  
• And for Content writing: If you are given a line like the company is into logistics, you meditate and chant the Rolling pin mantra. And lo and Behold- you have a whole page of profile ready, spread from the wisp of information.

KK

What in the name of God does a copywriter do?

It’s a question I have been asked umpteen times. And it’s a question I am not particularly fond of. No, I am not in the habit of snubbing people off but circumstances compel me to answer that particular question with my eyebrows furrowed, with a tone that comes somewhere between a snarl and an irritated shriek and a look that tells wise people to back off.

You may think I am a zombie gone paranoid. But listen to the precise way the question is framed for me. May be you will empathize.

Someone: What do you do?
Me (Creased brow, shaky voice, suspicious look): I am a copywriter

Someone (looks amused. Giggles, shows all of his/her teeth and asks as if he/she has just deciphered the Da Vinci Code), ‘Haha…You copy and write. Right?’

I am going to call him Ignorant Fool now.

Me (Takes a deep breath, smiles fake, takes a deep breath again): No. We write original copy.

Ignorant Fool: Ha Ha! Hi Hi! How can copy be original? (Another fit of laughter)

Me (Sound of my teeth cracking): I mean we write content. Content for websites, print ads, brochures or whatever.

Ignorant Fool (Slightly enlightened expression): Oh…ok…I get it now…

Me (Eyes light up): Yes…now you know! (May be I should just call him ignorant.)

Ignorant (The doubtful look is back on his face): So, it must be an easy job? Right?

Me (What-in-the-world look): Easy?! Depends on how creative you are! (May be I must stick to Ignorant Fool)

Ignorant Fool: Hahahahaahhahaahhahaa……….Oh my…haha…how can you..hahaha (He is laughing so much that he cant stop the drool drops he is spraying around)

Me (What’s-tickling-you-so-much-you-@#$%&* look): What?

Ignorant Fool: What is so…haha...creative…haha…about typing in content?

Me: I DON’T JUST TYPE IT! I WRITE THE REAL THING YOU DUMBASS!!!

Most foolishly ignorant person on earth: Arrey! Don’t get so hyper. You should have told me earlier that you take down what is given to you and then type it on the keyboard.

Me: (Wonders if he thinks that content is self generated from the computer, before fainting and hitting the ground hard)

PS: The title is not actually about the question 'someones’, ignorants, ignorant fools or most foolishly ignorant persons on earth' have. It is the question we copywriters have: ‘What in the name of God does a copywriter do... when he/she is asked the most insulting questions about his/her profession?’

Cappuccino